We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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