Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
