piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
