My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
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You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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