Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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