I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
