he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
