I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
