It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
