I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
