Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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