That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
