how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize