Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
