My Higher Power is John Stamos
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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