The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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