Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
