she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
