he puts the penis in happiness.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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