I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize