TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i dont even know how to be here
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
