I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
