I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
