it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
