My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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