the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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