im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
