last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
