my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
