Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
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Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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