I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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