i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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