I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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