fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
