its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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