Im at strip club and am horny
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think my vagina is haunted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
