whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't turn off my feet"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We need to get me chipped asap
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
