We won't sleep together?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
