if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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