you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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