How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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