Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
