yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
