no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
