he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
