I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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