she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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