If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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