hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
