hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
