the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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