apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
