i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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