Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
