Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Say something about gay babies.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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