i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
