Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
