Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
