I'm gonna have a badass scar
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
