His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
