awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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