i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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